please partake

Let's have a talk about the best thing that has come into my life in the past week.

No freaky preservatives or unpronounceable fillers or food colorings - just unadulterated pint-sized heaven. And surprisingly less fattening than all the 'regular' kinds.

I blame Ty's absence for my recent re-obsession with ice cream, but let's be honest. It's just that good.

meh.

I'm feeling mentally and emotionally under the weather these days. This weekend was beautiful, and I know I have a ton to be grateful for, but with Ty gone everything just seems really gray. When we were dating and engaged, even though it was long distance, and even though we were both busy, we still talked for a couple hours a day. But residency is kicking my trash, if not Ty's too, and the time zone thing is just killing me. I get up at 6:00 in the morning and it's 3:00 his time, so obviously there's no disturbing his few-hours sleep. When he gets up, I'm very much in class. When I get home, he's barely in the middle of his afternoon, and when he gets off, sometimes at 10 or so his time, I'm obviously deep in sleep. This is just obnoxious.

Sometimes he'll call me when he gets off, even though I'm asleep, just to say goodnight, and just for the sake of speaking to each other at least once during the day. Some of these conversations I remember, some I don't. Some I only know happen because I wake up with my phone awkwardly under the covers and at my feet, with "Ty" in my call log sometime around 2:00 am, for like 23 seconds. There was even a three day stretch last week where we had two of these "conversations" (neither of which I remember) and nothing else. Boo. :(

So, yeah. It sucks. I keep telling myself, when I go to bed without hearing from him, that even talking to him once every couple of days is better than a lot of military wives. There's nothing that makes me shut my complaining trap as quickly as thinking about these brave women who go weeks or months without even knowing their husband's whereabouts. Can't imagine that.

In terms of residency itself, Ty is actually doing great. He's tired, yes (over 80 hours this week), but he's already growing so much and I can hear in his voice how much he loves his patients. He's getting paid squat and working himself into the ground, but the relationships he's forming are more valuable to him than money or sleep. I admire him immensely. Like his dad says all the time, I want to be like Ty when I grow up. I really do.

It's no secret that moving to Philly was tough for me, especially in those first months, but obviously the one constant thing that made the transition possible was Ty's presence. With him gone, I'm not like sinking into despair in this city or anything, I really do love it here, but it makes me homesick for all sorts of related or unrelated things: my family, his family, being surrounded by people who don't think you're weird for never tasting alcohol (that gets so old), Sunday dinners with familiar people, oh-good-heavens Mexican food, and of course, cuddling with Ty while watching a movie. I'm just kinda feeling empty these days. And consequently more easily grouchy. I hate that.

So I'm sorry if this blog gets uninspiring or 'meh' or whiney - I just miss him like crazy and little else seems to matter much. I hope that every wife is cherished the way that Ty cherishes me. It seems like there are at least 5 people at any given time who despise me and who make me feel an inch tall, but Ty just picks up the pieces and makes me feel like a million bucks again. I don't deserve him. He is my rock.

Photo courtesy of Anna Page Photography.

Missing you today, Sweetheart.

happy 4th! :)

I wasn't gonna do a post but I woke up to bagpipes playing "God Bless America," and almost died. I LOVE AMERICA! I'm heading out the door for a day full of festivities in Old City Philadelphia. Last 4th, Ty and I were doing this...


...and if Ty were here today we'd be doing a little of this...

...but alas - I'll just take really good notes of all the smells and tastes and feelings that happen down here in this beyond-perfect location for a celebration. I hope everyone has an amazing, family-filled fourth!! God bless America!!


Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war's desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust."
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

on my mind tonight

• Michael Jackson is getting a lot of attention. Kind of insane. Doctors are probably going to get sued. I don't think that's right.
  
• Very sad that Sarah Palin has to step down basically because people won't leave her alone.
• I really want to see The Proposal. Anyone seen it? Is it good?
• I regret cutting my hair in California a few weeks ago. Shouldn't have done that. Mah.
  
• I went almost an entire 72 hours without talking to Ty this week. That drives me crazy. I hate time zone differences and 80 hour workweeks. Can I have my husband back yet?
  
• I'd kind of love to fall asleep right now (so much of my wish list every day involves sleeping more), but there is very loud music outside (mostly MJ). I guess we're just gonna pull an all nighter getting ready for this holiday.
  
• I'm getting a new BROTHER-IN-LAW! :) Missy and Mike got engaged. I'm absolutely thrilled. They are perfect for each other.
• Tomorrow is my favorite holiday and I'm so glad I'm in Philly for it. If I tried to write about the 4th of July I'd probably burst a vessel in my head - there is too much and I'm too passionate about it. I just love America, I love our history, and I'm so grateful.
• Being alone sucks.
  

beachy bum

My beyond adorable roommate Carly and I declared that our "summer break" of one week wasn't nearly long enough, so on Saturday we took off to the Jersey shore for the day. It was my first time to the Jersey shore and I greatly enjoyed it. It basically consisted of me and my Poisonwood Bible (rereading it for the first time since high school - it shouldn't have taken me that long), a heck of a lot of sunshine, and several unintentional but not altogether unwelcome naps. There is nothing, NOTHING, quite like basking in the sun. And yes, I lathered up with sunscreen, lest you find it ironic that I am married to a future oncologist yet am catching one too many UVs. However, I must have some sort of handicap because I missed the back of my knees and one small section of my left forearm. So altogether I have about 7 square inches of burnt skin.

We came home that night feeling sun-baked sleepy. I wouldn't mind going back every weekend. Ah, if only. In fairness to our self-declared sabbatical, we did take our NCLEX (nursing boards) practice books to the beach. And did an entire TWO questions!! Which is admittedly two more than I thought we'd do.

Then church on Sunday was fabulous. I'm in the South Philadelphia *Branch now which is full of beautiful, humble people who are amazingly sweet. I got a calling within 45 minutes of stepping in the building. That might be a record. I'll just say that I will probably never hold a calling in church again that is in anything but music. And I'm okay with that. :) I'm going to love this branch.

It's been a week since I left Ty on the west coast and flew out here alone. Another 10 or so to go. I'm not a fan of this. I'm one of those crazy people who thinks married people should live under the same roof, or at least on the same side of the Mississippi. I miss him insanely. We got his schedule for the rest of the year and I absolutely bawled. And then I got over it and reminded myself that we signed up for this and that it's really all about helping people. That's why we're living apart right now, and that's why we've got another 6 years of training to go. Ty will be, and already is, really, an amazing healer. I hope to be one too, in my own way.

I'll be spending the 4th of July weekend between Toms River, NJ (Carly's home) and Philadelphia. I considered going to DC or something, but hello! It all happened here! I'm absolutely ecstatic to be here for my favorite holiday. Although watching fireworks by yourself is pretty pitiful.

I use the word 'absolutely' a lot.

Anyway, now you have a travelogue of my week. What are you going to do next?! :)

Have a happy Tuesday everyone!

*A "branch" in Mormonspeak is kind of like a smaller version of a ward (congregation). When there aren't a large amount of members in an area, but still enough to hold meetings, sometimes they'll organize a "branch" instead of a ward. It's more cozy and can feel more like a family.

single date night

I took myself on a date last night. It was so much fun.

I went to a Philadelphia Orchestra concert, again in the gorgeous Kimmel Center. I walked there from Old City (not too far - about 15 or so blocks from where I live), and left early enough to zig zag through some gorgeous part of town I hadn't seen. I fall more in love with Old City every day.

The concert was fabulous. It was basically a potpourri of Romantic-era pieces - Berlioz, Brahms, Verdi, Mendelssohn, Tchaikovsky, Wagner. Mmm. It was wonderful. I don't know exactly how to describe this sentiment, but I was overwhelmed with this feeling of wanting to share everything I love about music with my kids. Not just brainwashing them into listening to 'classical' music (which I will probably do), but really transferring my absolute passion for the nuances of music to them - like the Giver did with Jonas. I want to put my hands on their backs and have them get excited at a gorgeous oboe solo, or have them feel the thrill of an awesome cello line. I love breathing with an orchestra, and for some reason last night, all I could think about was how much I wanted that to not die with me. Music used to be an insanely large part of my life - and now it's just this sweet afterthought like, "I'm a student and a wife and a future nurse and a Christian and a nut case and a conservative... oh and I'm interested in music." It used to completely define me, and now I'm just a casual concert goer. Did God really give me talents so I could sing my heart out and expand my soul during 4 nice years of high school and 5 nice years of college? I'd like to hope that music makes a comeback in my life and that my kids deeply understand the importance of music.

Actually having kids might be a prerequisite to this feeling of Must Pass This On. We'll get to that.

Anyway - it was a beautiful concert, followed by a stroll over to Rita's for world's best water ice (mango, of course) - a treat we desperately need in the west. And then guess what!? I hailed my first cab! Usually Ty does the hailing so I've never gotten a chance to do it, and we don't even take cabs all that often anyway, but man, I was feeling almost vain about it. Like I wanted to go introduce myself to someone and say, "Hello. My name is Becca. I hail cabs." I felt like a city girl. :) It was fun. I'm so completely ridiculous.

The only obvious thing missing from my fun date night was my Ty. He survived his first two days of residency, and none of his bachelor food has killed him yet, but dang - what I wouldn't give to be with him right now...

okay I promise I'll write about cali eventually

I'm sure no one is dying to know how I organized my kitchen, but in some weird way I am actually really excited to write about the crazy little details of our new place. But I feel like I'm stuck on this hamster wheel called the first couple days of the new term - getting used to the flow of classes, trying to swallow the idea of committing to do 250 practice board questions a WEEK (ouch), new clinicals and the idea of just winding down and actually finishing this deal. Whew!!

This quarter I'm doing some random foofy classes and then Critical Care (which scares the tar out of me) and Gerontology (old people). I'm pretty sure I ultimately want to be a geriatric nurse because I ADORE the elderly. They absolutely crack me up, they have so much to offer, and the fact that not everyone is flocking to geriatrics kind of draws me to it. People love working with kids because they're cute and they don't smell funny and they get better, but old people are often neglected. It's like our society thinks, Eeew, I'll never get old. Gross. But realizing that I, too, will one day get old, I would hope that when I'm at my most vulnerable, I'm matched with some nurses who want to hear my crazy stories of going to high school in the year 2000! So I think Gero will be rewarding. Old people deserve so much respect.

Critical Care absolutely terrifies me because the people are sooo fragile (usually). Sometimes they're totally teetering and they're hooked up to 90 machines, all of which are their own language that you have to learn how to speak in order to know if they're just snoozing away peacefully or if they're an inch from death. Like I said, scary, but I think it'll be an awesome learning experience. My first clinical is this morning and I am so excited. I hope I don't kill anyone.

I LOOOOVE living downtown in Old City. The other night I ran down the street to grab some hairspray and a [potentially king-size] Kit Kat and, whaddya know, I passed Independence Hall on my way. The area down here is absolutely alive and so old and gorgeous.

So, yeah. This quarter is going to be crazy but fulfilling. Ty starts residency to-mor-row and I'm basically going to wear out my knees praying for him. Not being there for him right now is what's bothering me the most about this time apart. Yes, I miss him, of course, but the fact that I can't be there to make him an awesome dinner when he gets home from his first grueling day is just killing me. He has to come home to bachelor food! And an empty bed! For like THREE MONTHS! :( But I can't even express how thankful I am that he's willing to be supportive of my getting this degree.

I guess I'm just the luckiest girl in the world.

sigh

So I'm sitting here staring 4th quarter in the face, wondering but not really wondering how it's all going to work out, because it always has. This week was far more than perfect. California seems made for me, or I for it. Ty and I were hit by a fire hydrant's worth of hospitality and warmth from everyone we met. And for Pete's sake we literally had Mexican food every night last week. Real Mexican food, made by real Mexicans. Heaven, no?

My cousin got married yesterday in Utah and an alarming amount of my family members were there. It was almost overwhelming how much love there was. I got to see cousins and nieces and nephews and sisters and their husbands and my parents, just in time for Father's Day and Mom and Dad's anniversary. It was perfect. Oh I love my family.

And then tonight I took a plane and was welcomed home by a green, green, and surprisingly temperate Pennsylvania. Such a gorgeous night. Such amazing feelings - taking the train home and wondering how many more times I have to do that. Walking by other trains on their way to NYC, wondering how many more times I'll see that wondrous city. Coming home to my exciting new Old City apartment and just thinking about how lucky I am.

I feel like pieces of my heart lay all over this country. Little bits in Utah, little bits with each niece and nephew, little bits with my parents in Vegas, little bits with my husband on a plane right now 3,000 miles away, little bits here in Philadelphia, and little bits sprinkled at various places in between. It's such a bizarre feeling to visit three places within 24 hours that all have such deep meaning to you, people who complete you, and places you literally call home.

I'll be writing about the past week in California this coming week, but tonight I'm just kind of sitting in this melancholy gratitude. Happy that I'm so blessed, wondering how to make the most of my last few East Coast months, and missing my sweetheart terribly.

i'm. in. love.

I passed all my classes, I've been in California for 24 hours, and I'm absolutely enamored. I'm having an inner struggle being the East Coast Lover that I have become, and the West Coast Girl that I was born as. But man... I love this place. It's beautiful, it feels like home, the people are friendly, the skies are blue, the apartment is perfect, and church felt like a sanctuary. Imagine that. 

Someone give me a good reason to go back to Philadelphia. Besides the 10 weeks of torture I've signed up for called 4th quarter of nursing school. 

I LOVE CALIFORNIA!

stop the world and let me off

I'm pleased to announce that Ty and I are SO on the ball that our packing started last month. All of our unbreakables (books/clothes/etc) have already been shipped, and we are living in a bare bones apartment. We didn't even have forks to eat our take out with (we had to run down the street and get some plastic ones from a cafe).

However, there is still so much to do. The couch to sell, the cars to load, my 3 month-long summer suitcase to finalize. And all those things that sneak up on you demanding to be packed somewhere. Like hangers.

Couple that with the muggy, nasty Philly weather (the kind of air that Tyler says you can roll between your fingers), and you've got a ripe equation for BLAH.

Oh, and 5 more finals and Ty leaving tomorrow morning [serious weeping].

But, lest I get carried away in all my ridiculous complaining (which I am wont to do), we are moving to CALIFORNIA. And all this crazy studying? It's going to turn me into a NURSE. And my husband moving away for three months? At least he has a job, and at least I have a husband.

So my head is whirling and I think I've misplaced a few vital organs this week, but I really am still incredibly happy and blessed. :)