Tonight I was driving home from a late-night grocery trip, listening to NPR as I always do in the car. A man with a thick, Southern accent was reading a short fictional story about a man living in Montana. Nothing scandalous happened; there was no compelling dramatic twist. To be honest, there wasn't even a real plot. Just a string of thoughts and anecdotes about watching his dogs soak up the country sunshine in the spring, and his favorite way to bread and fry whitefish. The thing that hit me the most about all of this is that I sat in the car long after I had pulled into the carport just listening to him, so riveted that I didn't want to go inside.
We love stories. We love storytelling.
I think I've been so inconsistent about blogging and telling my story because I feel like I don't have anything to offer. I'm not an active nurse anymore. I'm no longer politically combative (hallelujah!). I'm not living in a big, hard-to-love city. I'm not really a fabulous cook or decorator, despite my fascination with food and decorating blogs. I'm your average Jane of All Trades -- interested in a million things, unexceptional at all of them.
I think I'm also still waiting. Waiting for T to do something besides your typical toddler antics that would actually be worth writing about. You want to read a complete list of a 17 month-old's vocabulary? The internet has mommy blogs in spades. I'm waiting for my apartment to be in perfect condition before showcasing it (and considering I've lived in 5 apartments sans photos since starting this blog, this is obviously a common theme). I'm waiting for profound and witty blog posts to formulate in my mind. I'm waiting for this nagging round of depression to pass, the way it has in years past.
I think I'm also afraid. I'm scared of the vast, powerful internet that has grown so much faster than our ability to tame and temper it, or even understand it. I'm scared of writing things that I'll later renounce and wish I could take back, a la Becca of 2008. I'm scared that if I talk about how much I truly love my life, love Palo Alto, love my family, that people will think I'm being fake or shallow. I'm scared of putting too much of myself out there and making people uncomfortable and hearing crickets (or the horrible, heartless anonymous commenters who can be so cruel) when really, all I want is to have people say "I GET IT."
But tonight after Mr. Montana drawled on about his country life that I couldn't get enough of, I thought, no - I can't let the fear and the waiting and the self doubt get in the way of me telling my stories. I might not be the brilliant graphic designer with three gorgeous children living in Manhattan. Or the girl with creativity oozing out of her ears with DIYs that go viral on Pinterest every day. Or the nurse who's in the trenches in the ICU of an inner city hospital with fascinating stories of the strength of the human spirit or the answer to modern medicine's problems.
But I'm me. I'm a mom. I'm a wife. I'm complex and ever-evolving. I love my life. And I'd love to tell you about it.
14 comments:
I've thought of writing about the happenings of my little life a hundred times and then decided that they weren't that interesting, and so written nothing. My life just isn't very exotic or dramatic. I live in small-town Wisconsin, for crying out loud! But I love reading about your inexotic, undramatic life. I'm not very good at commenting on blogs that I like, which is sadly ironic since I'm just gluttonous for comments myself, but I really enjoy your blog.
I, for one, look forward to hearing your stories! Also, about blogging in general, my father in law just published a book of all of my blog posts for me, and at first I was so excited, and then I got it and I was flipping through it and I felt really lame, like, I am lame, why didn't anyone ever tell me? And then I realized that that's who I am, and my girls will love to see what I wrote about our daily loves someday. So I keep doing it.
Well its about time. :)
Yes! I want to hear your stories.I loved getting to talk to you that Sunday and hearing what makes you tick. And you know, most of us are average people anyway, myself included. If we all wait for the stories to be big enough, pretty enough, nothing will happen. My life is not exciting, but it's where I am right now, and that alone makes it worth telling.
I am giddy with anticipation! I love your blog. And at the risk of sounding like a contrarian, I think you are a PHENOMENAL decorator! Sometimes I feel like you are a close cousin that I have spent so much time with merely bc of this blog. A cousin who truly I have only been in the same room with a handful of times. LOVE you!
Becca, I check your blog for updates probably 5 times a week. I'd love any stories you have to tell.
And for the love of all that is holy, please put up more pictures of your boy. :)
LOVED this post! I can't tell you how much I relate to it! I love my life- I can't imagine it getting any better yet that seems too fakey to just throw out there into the blog-o-sphere. I have a note in my phone entitled, "blog"- it has one bullet about being married and happiness and that's it- and THAT'S it! LAME! But I am realizing that my lame is freaking (ew- hate that word) awesome- so I'll take and keep it- thank you. Love reading your blog and getting to know you and your little T. Rock/write on! :)
Love these thoughts. Looking forward to more posts from you. I think us women & mothers need to share & hear eachother's stories.
I GET IT!! I GET IT!! I GET IT!!! :)
We live in a crazy enough world that there is something VERY refreshing about embracing and celebrating the ordinariness of everyday life. There is already enough high drama, we need to hear more about the love of simple dreams coming true.
Please keep writing! <3
Becca, I totally get it. In fact, I just started a blog today, to tell my stories. :) Not a family blog, just for me - finding happiness, recognizing joyful moments, pulling myself out of my latest funk or depression or whatever you might call it. I love your blog, and I hope you'll always feel that you can share your simple stories.
Oh how I love you. And your stories.
Hey Becca, I stumbled upon your blog from a link from Amy Cartwright's blog.. I remember you from BYU and not sure if you knew me or if we ever met (sorry if I forgot, lol) but just wanted you to know I have enjoyed reading many of your posts tonight.. I love the way you write and found a lot of them very refreshing and honest. :)
Your blog is one of my very favorites - I'm thrilled that you'll be writing more!
I love this post and, of course, I always look forward to Becca's stories. You have a knack, a gift really, for taking us to places you have visited and sharing feelings you have felt.
When everything is said and done, in a sense all we have left is our stories. And, yours will enlighten and enrich us.
Can't wait to hear more about you, T, and Ty.
Thanks for sharing.
Lots and lots of love.
Dad J.
P.S. Can't wait to see you guys!
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